I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
