I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
