Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
