his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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