you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
