Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
