I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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