My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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