Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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