So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
