i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
