My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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