plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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