My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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