Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We got so high we made milksteak
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
