Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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