so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We need a shit load of segways right now
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
