I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
