She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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