And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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