he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
so much tequila, so little girl.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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