Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize