omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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