in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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