I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
