I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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