Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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