70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When did angry sex become our thing?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
