have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
