Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
