so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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