never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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