my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
too bad you live with your parents still
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
