I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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