Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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