I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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