here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
