I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
