Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
