I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
