Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
