but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
