i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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