I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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