OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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