Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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