Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
