A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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