Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
