I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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