I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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