I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
