hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
