I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize