Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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