party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
