It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
