I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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