I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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