I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
