Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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