so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
