somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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