carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
