Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
