where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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