You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
