remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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