he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
