you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
