i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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