i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
