Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize