I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
