Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
