You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
