I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
