I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
