He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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