i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Life is so much better after having sex.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize