Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
