He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
