...so i touched it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
