i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I booty called her while she was in labor.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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