She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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