lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
