i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
