If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
