i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you will always have a special place in my vag
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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