When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
