chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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