Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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