I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my being single is dangerous.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
