I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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