i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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