never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
