Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
