My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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