come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
