Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
